Rachael Kirkconnell Gets Candid About Heartbreak, Healing and Moving Forward After Split With Matt James

The ‘Bachelor’ alum opens up about how the outpour of support from the public has ‘meant everything.’

Rachael Kirkconnell / Courtesy of Showpo

Rachel Kirkconnell’s relationship with Matt James had long been in the public eye, but the emotional fallout of their split was something she faced privately. After four years together, the couple — who first met on The Bachelor — called it quits following a disagreement during a trip to Japan in January.

While James, 33 publicly announced the breakup on Instagram, Kirkconnell’s side of the story revealed deeper struggles behind the scenes. In a candid conversation on Alex Cooper‘s Call Her Daddy podcast, she shared that their decision stemmed from ongoing tension about their future. While the 28-year-old never pressured James for a proposal, she became increasingly concerned when he seemed hesitant to commit. As their relationship reached its third year, she began questioning where things were headed.

A disagreement while in Tokyo ultimately brought things to a head. Kirkconnell recalled that James told her certain qualities about her made him question whether she was the right person for him. Hours later, as she prepared to board a flight home, she was blindsided by the Instagram post that came without any warning — a moment she described as both shocking and painful.

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In the months that followed, Kirkconnell committed herself to healing. We caught up with the reality TV star about rediscovering her sense of self, finding power in vulnerability and learning to trust her instincts again.

“I’m still working through things,” she tells SI Swimsuit. “I’m not totally over everything, and I still have my bad days. But I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel, and that’s what I’m holding on to.”

“I felt like a shell of myself”

Reflecting on her time with James, Kirkconnell admitted that she often put her own needs aside to keep the relationship afloat. She expressed that idea on the podcast, noting that she frequently prioritized his feelings and let her own take a backseat. Over time, she found herself constantly apologizing — sometimes without even knowing what she was apologizing for — in an effort to keep the peace.

“I think at times I felt like a shell of myself,” she explains.

While Kirkconnell had always viewed herself as independent and strong-willed, she found herself falling into a pattern of stepping back and letting James take the lead. “I definitely compromised my values at times because I felt like that was the right thing to do in the moment,” she shares. “I just wanted to support him through everything.”

In hindsight, Kirkconnell recognized how much she had sacrificed in the name of keeping the peace. After the breakup, she found herself grappling with feelings of uncertainty as she adjusted to life on her own.

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“Coming out of it, I realized that so much of what I was holding onto was the attachment and comfort of it all — it had become my normal,” she shares. “Having your world flipped upside down like that... I didn’t really know what normal felt like anymore. I’m going through a lot of change, but I’m feeling good, and I’m excited about the future.”

Support after Call Her Daddy

Sharing her side of the story was a vulnerable step for Kirkconnell, but the overwhelming response made it worthwhile. Women from around the world flooded her inbox with messages of encouragement and candid recollections of their own heartbreak and struggles. While some were stories painful to read, Kirkconnell said the collective strength of those women inspired her.

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“It was so sweet to see all the love and support. I just didn’t know that many people even cared,” she shares.

Hearing those stories reminded Kirkconnell of how important it is for women to show up for one another — and to show up for themselves. Her biggest advice for those navigating heartbreak is to give themselves grace. Healing, she explains, isn’t linear, and learning to put yourself first takes time.

“As hard as it is, you have to make those tough choices — whether that’s setting boundaries, cutting off contact or letting go of hope that things will change,” she says. While those decisions can feel overwhelming in the moment, Kirkconnell believes they are essential steps toward moving forward.

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“That’s half the reason I did that interview — so people could feel less alone,” she adds. “It broke my heart to hear how many women had experienced the same feelings I had. But at the same time, it was so powerful to see how women show up for each other.”

Embracing Her ‘Golden Era’

In the wake of her split, Kirkconnell has embraced change — and herself — in new ways. She acknowledges how society often pressures women to prioritize others, especially in relationships, which makes her decision to focus on herself feel both unfamiliar and necessary.

“For the first time in a long time, I’m really putting myself first,” she says. “And if that’s considered selfish, I’m okay with that.”

That shift in mindset has been key to her healing. While she acknowledges she’s still working through things, Kirkconnell says she’s finally finding comfort in her own company — and confidence in her own decisions.

“It’s hard not to feel like you’re letting people down,” she says. “But I’ve realized that choosing yourself doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on others — it just means you’re finally showing up for yourself.”

That mindset became the inspiration behind her newly launched Showpo collection, The Golden Era. The 40-piece line, which combines sophisticated silhouettes with timeless patterns, is a reflection of Kirkconnell’s personal journey — one of self-discovery and renewed confidence.

Courtesy of Showpo

“This collection represents a new era for me. It’s about trying new things, new experiences and putting [myself] out there,” she shares. “I’m learning that it’s okay to take up space again, and that’s something I won’t compromise anymore.”